I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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