His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
