my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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