Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
