the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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