i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
