Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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