and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize