You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
