sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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