How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
