im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
