Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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