Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
