Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize