He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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