i was born a porn star she said
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
