Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
