I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
