Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
