no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
