The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
