Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
