I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
