Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
