shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
