it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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