He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
