Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
