Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
