Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
