i don't like sucking hair
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
