it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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