I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
