I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
