he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize