HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
