Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
