Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
