I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
