You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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