I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
