i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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