I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We need to get me chipped asap
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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