John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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