SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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