my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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