atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
