accomplished twins. life is a go
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
