His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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