i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
