My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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