If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish my penis had a tongue
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
