Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
should my penis look like a turkey
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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