You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize