So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
