i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
