Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
