the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
