We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
