hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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