Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
