So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
someone owes me an orgasm
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
