So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
