she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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