Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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