oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
