i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize