we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
