this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
