I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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