your parents love me but you hate me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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