you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
