Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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