Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
