Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
