Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
