i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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