He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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