Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize