I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize